So I said what I've said here in the support group and heard back pretty quickly. That while I'm not going about it wrong just to quickly for others to understand it. I do hear what people are saying and that I am hurting the people I'm trying to turn to for help. I think some of what was said makes sense. I do want to deal with everything all at the same time but others can't do it that way. So some of it I need to put on hold while I work through others now. Things I can work on now are getting all the cars back in good running order finding a job talking about the darker thoughts and helping with being there for the family. I get this and I'll try it this way. I do really want to stay friends and go back to talking about things like I had been and I hope JR comes around to being ready sooner rather than later but she doesn't see things like I do so needs more time and space before that can happen. She'll be there when we are both ready. The family issues, the bill and saying good bye can wait a little longer to. I do have a lot to do and deal with I just need to do things in a different order and at different times so others can help when they are ready as well.